Harpernomics for Socialists #11 - Helping the Poor

I see tough talking Mikey the Mike is still wandering in La La land. In a recent Le Devoir interview, he said that he will reject any Conservative budget that contains tax cuts for the middle classes, but will support any measure that help the poor and create jobs.

Sorry Count, but you're wrong on both counts.

1) The Poor pay a higher proportion of their income on GST and PST than the rich. Ergo, any cut to these taxes benefits the serfs and peasants more than the bourgeoisie. Or would you prefer government hiring programs?

2) Tax increases provide more jobs for bureaucrats and their programs. Tax cuts leave more money in the hands of people and businesses. One way makes things better. Your way will make things worse.

So I'll ask you again, who's doing your economics? My advice is, fire him.

Or did you get this stuff from focus groups? Or is the Coalition of the Damned™ still in operation?

Harpernomics for Socialists #10 - Taking the Liquidity Valium

OK everybody, take a deep breath, and THINK hard.

Everybody's asking me why I engineered this sideshow. The answer is that we need leverage. We need support from all you guys, to meet this economic crisis. And the last thing Jim Flaherty, the MP for Oshawa, needs is MORE BS about the auto industry. He says we've got to hang in there. Like you, he's waiting for my new friend Obama to heal the planet, stop the rise of the oceans and save the UAW. Apparently this will all happen December 8.

Jack: No more whining about eliminating corporate tax cuts. You want them restored? Let's get real. Think of your Red Tory roots before you act. You know the Puffins will eventually slit your throat if you give them half a chance.

Gilles: Let's make a deal on forestry and infrastructure, and maybe we'll take another look at sending all your aging rock gods and téléroman artistes to Cuba, once a year, or even permanently. No not Guantanamo, although this has crossed my mind.

Honorable Stéphane: Believe it or not, but I don't want you to make any mistakes by going to the altar with the wrong party. But please, no more committee games and demonization, and maybe I'll drop the court case and save us all a few bucks. Want to boost the party donation maximum to $5,000? I could send some of our guys to teach some of your guys how to fundraise. Anything to help you out, capiche?

So people, don't mess with our mandate, as imperfect as it is. You know in your hearts this coalition can't last, and I urge you to stick with the Reality Party of Canada for the moment. At least you'll know where you stand. Out.

Harpernomics for Socialists #8 - Will the Reality Party of Canada Run a Deficit?

A lot of pundits are whining that I misled them during the election when I said that regardless of the ongoing global economic crisis, I would not allow Canada's finances to slip into deficit. Waaaaaaahhhh!

Look I never really said that in so many words, and Flaherty has been at pains to tone down the rhetoric and suggest that we will use all tools at our disposal.

Look dear friends, last night I got out Mackenzie King's real crystal ball, and called up the old fellow. We got into a heated argument, which I ended up winning. He said, "Even Bennett agrees with me. You've got to balance the budget above all".

I said, "Look Mackenzie, it's clear the US and certain global basket cases are slipping into deflation, and if Carney finds we're trending into the same ditch, there's always the good old printing press. I mean, we're all post-Keynsians now."

King gave me a look of sheer disbelief, shook his head and grunted, then quickly faded out.

Harpernomics For Socialists #6 - Pre-Election Prognosis

Look people, it's real tough being a real economist leading a real campaign, but we're the Reality Party of Canada, right? And we have to get through this mess with our savings and standard of living intact. And we can do it.

I've got to say I really feel your pain having to listen to the pathetic clap trap spouted by opposition politicians.

Let's look at each of them in turn:

1) George Boros - the proprietor of the Democratic Party of the USA and the biggest idiot in the world has entered the Canadian election at the last minute with his surrogate azazza.ca, whatever, party, which is not approved by Elections Canada, although there may be a loophole somethere. Our legal eagles are working on it, and papers will fly, I can guarantee it.

Anyhoo, George is buying full page ads in Canadian newspapers (see above), sucking up to the opposition parties and painting me as the worst leader in the world. George, if I could be unparliamentary for a moment, you can go short yourself.

2) Stéphane "the Plagiarizer" Dion - lacking any real policy, he is falling back on cruel schoolyard taunts perfected by Torostar journo-nannies and the Canadian Peoples Agitprop Network. The real Yours Truly is "selfish," "a bully," "George Bush," blah, blah, blah. He's still panicking. Last night, in North Bay, without a teleprompter, he said that “Never will an election have posed to Canadians so starking choice.”

You know, he's right.

3) Jack Layton - is freaking out as he drops in the polls as people start to vote strategically. When I mused that there are buying opportunities in the current stock market, which is a simple statement of fact, he demonized me as stealing money from pensioners. Get a life, Jack, and by the way, let's do lunch after October 15.

4) Gilles Duceppe - is now saying that while I am immoral and nasty, fragile and shaky, he looks forward to working with us in the next Parliament. Having survived a narrow near death experience by moving to the left and sucking up to téléroman "artistes" and aging pop stars, he will now spend the next couple of years popping paxil and fading into insignificance. But yes, Gilles, drop by my office when we get back to Ottawa and we'll have a talk about the forest industry.

5) Elizabeth May - rightly chewed out Mike Duffy when he suggested she wanted to dump NAFTA. Liz just wants to renegotiate the energy provision. Which will never happen, because the Americans will cancel the whole deal. They want energy security and need an oil price based on the value of the US dollar. That's the real deal. That's how we got them to the table in the first place.

Well, yes, OK, Duff, I guess she does want to dump NAFTA.

6) Danny Boy Williams - the Hugo Chavez of Atlantic Canada™ is also getting into the act, using the hard earned dollars of his ABC supporters to buy flashy billboards in downtown Toronto. As John Crosby used to say, "Lard help us".

Well that's about it. See you at the polls, and God Bless Canada.

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Pix: Today's Montreal Gazette; Fred Lum, Globe and Mail

Harpernomics For Socialists #5 - The New Puffin Sin Tax

Would you trust these little green gnomes who are out to s____ you?

In this edition of Harpernomics For Socialists™, I want to take on the whole phenomenon of sin taxes on carbon, and the Green Shaft proposed by the Puffin Party of Canada.

Forgetting for a moment the fact that the jury is still out and the science not settled on the causes of climate change aka global warming, the new Puffin Sin Tax on Carbon contains a lot of hidden agendas:

1) It is a way of increasing the price of energy, so the Americans have to pay more for our energy.
2) It is a way of raising money for social engineering run by bureaucrats. You pay the tax, but you don't necessarily get it back, as claimed. Much will be used for BackPack Boy's Anti-Poverty Crusade and other new programs.
3) It is a way for the Puffins to appear decisive.
4) It is a way of driving the pump price higher.

Here are the fatal flaws in the system:

1) It puts Canadian companies at a disadvantage against other countries with less onerous taxes. Countries that don't have the tax will do better than us.
2) It effectively subsidizes China, which has just passed the US as the World's major polluter.
2) Corporate taxation is stupid, because the tax is almost always passed on to the customer.
3) Green Shift is just a juggling act.
4) It is just more "we're the good guys" stuff from Bobama Rae. Yawn. ZZZZZZZZ

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Seriously, the Puffins don't want an election, they want to buy time until their next (leadership) convention in December.

The New Puffinomics

This is really "troubling", even "worrisome", if I may use some tired old words from the Susan Delacarte Thesaurus.

The Puffins have discovered economics.

Apparently, our Send Them Garth Turner Plan is working like a charm. The Puffins have decided to abandon Kyoto, and stop demonizing moi, Teflon Steve, cause it ain't working - the people aren't buying it. Maybe Keith Booger buys it, or one of Mike Duffy's Minimes, or the odd energetic Macleans blogger, or the journalism majors now forced to blog for a living. Everybody else finds this a total yawn.

Yes, get ready for The New Puffinomics - from the party that brought you SponsorAdScamGate.

I am told that from now until the leadership convention in May 2009, the New Puffins will be concentrating on building their economics platform, and claiming they know more about the subject than moi. Yeah sure.

Spin One: Get Canadians to buy into Count Ignatula's "revenue neutral" Carbon Tax, which Bobama Rae will oppose to give the public and journos some sense of fake rivalry between the two old buddies.

Spin Two: Get Canadians to "invest in infrastructure" - in Puffinspeak, this means, essentially, "give more tax dollars to McGuilty so he can hire his friends to fill potholes and replace rusty culverts".

Keep on Puffin.

Harpernomics™ For Socialists #3 - Energy Power Realities

OK, class, maybe you're wondering why I'm putting up this great picture of me with Bonhomme Carnival and Harry the Horse, mascots of the Québec Carnival and the Calgary Stampede. Because it makes me look like a regular guy?

Wrong, I AM a regular guy. Because it's symbolic. What does that mean?

Wrong. It does not mean I'm a clownish mascot. Nice try. What it means is that politics is all about symbol manipulation, class. Now what am I trying to symbolize?

That I'm caught between Mario Dumont and Jean Charest. Very funny, but wrong.

It means that there is a new political and economic power reality in this country, and it is the alliance between two of the world's biggest energy producing jurisdictions, Québec and Alberta.

Any questions, class?

You from Ontario? You don't get it? Think Ontario Hydro.

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Pix: Jacques Boissinot, CP/PC

Howard Gets Ax For Bloated Public Sector

So the Aussies waltzed John out. Who would have thought he was past his due date? The dear old guy who loved everybody and never stopped smiling?

To put a positive spin on it, the new Labor man Kevin Rudd said Howard's coalition had allowed too much civic service bloating and he repeatedly told the voters he would be cutting the numbers big-time. Scary, eh?

On Howard's part, he attacked Labor leader Kevin Rudd's promise to take a "meat axe" to the public service, telling reporters he believed the public service was doing a good job and it was just another empty promise from Labor.

Jeez, maybe the electorate are finally getting it, I mean Harpernomics™, not Puffinomics™.

Think Rudd's Kevinomics would fly in a Canadian election? Maybe not in the Maritimes.

Hasta La Matilda, John.

Harpernomics™ for Socialists #2

Wake up Canada. Shake off the intellectual torpor instilled by decades of Torostar and Peoples Network pablum.

Corporate taxes are a total crock, since they simply get passed on to purchasers. Canadian workers pay for them in lower wages, and we end up gutting our economy to subsidize China. I know the Department of Finance and the accounting profession won't like this, but I'd like them cut entirely, so we can move toward creating a Tiger Economy. I'd like to see Canada - The Northern Bear™, with a red hot economy like Ireland's or New Zealand's.

Hey even Backpack Boy gets it. But will he support the elimination of corporate taxes in the House of Commons?

Sorry, but I doubt it. That's Puffin politics. Any questions?

A Message to Our National Press Corpse

As you journos saw from my no nonsense press conference this afternoon, I have no intention of commenting on a private matter before the courts, even if it has to do with that goddam ........, and I have full faith in the ability of our justice system to extradite expedite justice where justice is due.

Now I fully realize that hard-hitting Peoples Network scribes such as Keith Boager need good juicy copy like Count Ignatula Dracula needs blood, but they will have to dredge it up somewhere else.

Anyway, why weren't you guys in Toronto covering
Backpack Boy's Miracle Poverty Cure?

More on this in my forthcoming Harpernomics™ for Socialists class.

Back to the Basics - Harpernomics™ For Socialists

People often ask me, "what's an economist like you doing as Prime Minister? Surely Parliament is all about lawmaking and leaders should be lawyers". Well, I reply, it's probably time Canadians had a dose of "the dismal science."

"The trouble with lawyers," my Rt. Hon. buddy from Baie Comeau told me the other day, "is that all they know how to do is bill clients. They don't know sweet God-@#&%*@! about economics. I know, and I'm a lawyer."

So that's why I've undertaken this project, Back to the Basics - Harpernomics™ For Socialists, to help socialistically inclined Canadians get a better understanding of how things work in the real world. I'm also trying it out on the Cabinet, starting with Jim Prentice. Here, catch...

By the way, do you know why we did $60 billion in tax cuts today? to win the coming election? to feel good? to help hard working Canadians? to aggressively enforce our scary right-wing, US-style agenda? Nope. The real reason was to ramp down the growth of the civil service. In the last days of his reign, debt-fighter Paulie lost it. He wanted everybody to love him and be happy and get civil service jobs. This is the whole essence of Puffinomics™,

But life's not like that, and too many functionaries act as a drag on the country. The only way bureaucratic growth can be controlled is to turn down the tap gradually and let 'em scream. Look for increasing levels of screaming over the next little while. Especially from those CUPE and PIPS people.

I'll be doing a class a week starting later this week. So stay tuned, and I'll be lobbing essay assignments at you regularly.