The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Nice is a Real Killer

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Nice is a Real Killer

I nearly choked over my double-double this morning when I read Rex Murphy in the Globe, uttering one of those universal truths he is so famous for: "Stéphane Dion gives every evidence of being an honest, intelligent, fair, nice human being. And with that train of four adjectives – all of them pointing to what we acknowledge as most fine in human character – I probably am writing the most savage sentence about a political leader it is possible to compose. Honest, intelligent and fair he might survive. But nice is a real killer."

Pauv' petit pitou!

Lighten up Rex, and all you pack journalists get off Stéphanes back! Sure he's everybody's favourite poli sci professor, and his anglais, pas pire, but jeez don't be so hard on the guy.

I must say I look forward to crossing plastic swords with him and Iggy the House Elf in that seminar room we call the House of Commons. He's really a superb Leader of the Opposition.

And what's wrong with nice anyway? It goes without saying I'm delighted that Puffin Party leaders are more civilized today than they were in the days of that sleazy street fighter Créton. Here he is doing his famous Shawinigan Handshake.

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)