Thursday, August 14, 2008

Birthday Blog - King's Crystal Ball

I can hardly believe it's one year since I first put pen to paper here on the Internet.

Anyway, I must tell you about a spirituality session we had at Harrington Lake this week. Josée Verner borrowed Mackenzie King's actual crystal ball from Laurier House, and we tried to channel the old guy to see if we could learn the secret of his longevity.

We got him right away, and he looked a bit annoyed, as if we had got him up from his nap with Pat. All he would say is, "Why should I tell you anything? But I can tell you Bennett and I both agreed, that the way to govern Canada is to ....." And then the signal started to crackle and the ball filled with smoke and then faded out. Laureen flipped on the lights just in time. I later learned from the Mountie it was something about those damn Bell beavers chewing the land line. So much for superstition.

Anyway, back to business. I want to say, Dear Diary, that you'll be looking at a lot of changes around here over the next twelve months. Guy Giorno is an intensely focused guy, and he thinks we have a shot at taking 416. People are getting tired of being so politically correct and twentieth century. They're getting used to me, and, ahem, they like what they see.

We're not quite sure what to do with the so-called Ethics Committee, who seem determined to do the same old, same old. But it's starting to look a lot like the same old demonization by association of Yours Truly, Teflon Steve. Boring, and it's all before the courts anyway. It's the CPAC afternoon soap opera for folks who like that sort of thing.

In other news, that Robert Thibozo sure is pathetic, n'est-ce pas?

Diary, today we decided to try Mackenzie King's crystal ball again, in the daylight, in an intimate PMO strategy session, and it was the strangest thing. From the depths of the cloudy ball we heard an deep eery voice, sounding somewhat like the Rt. Hon. Person Who Must Not Be Named, telling us the following:

1) There will be no election before its time. The Puffins can't afford one, even with their $18 million line of credit. Senator Smith and John Rae are biting the bullet and this minority government is going the course.

2) I asked the Voice, shouldn't we have prorogation and a Speech From the Throne? But the voice said, listen to what Guy is saying, why bother if you don't have to? And let's not give away the election platform, right?

3) The Voice predicted a boring session with lots of bills and committee work. He said, don't sweat the large stuff. The Puffins and their friends in the Press Corps will be obsessed with the US election and won't give you too much trouble. Ignore the so called Ethics Committee, as I am doing.

4) The Voice then said beware Bobama Rae, who will try to paint you as a friend of McCain. Don't respond, he said, at which point my eyelids started drooping and I fell asleep Zzzzzzz

When I woke up I was back at Harrington Lake and Laureen was calling me for supper.

I certainly feel refreshed, and though we experienced a lot of global cooling this summer, things are hotting up again at Blogwarts Academy....