Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Presidential Protection?

I'm still basking in the glow of the visit from my new friend Barry, even though he still has a tendency to want to hog the spotlight, and the pathetic Torostar and CP fotojournalists are still trying to get what they call the "Bob Stanfield dropping the football moment".

This picture shows President Obama telling the press corps to lay off and treat me with more respect (I later told him he was wasting his time).

Laureen joked that perhaps he was preventing me from being hit by a shoe.

Shades of Mister Dithers

It's clear that some of the great Obama charisma has rubbed off on me, to the detriment of the Leader of the Opposition, Count Ignatula, who has suffered a terrible drumming from some pinko journo by the name of Michael Stickings at the British newspaper, the Guardian.

Stickings leads off his hatchet job by saying, "Naive and egotistical, Canada's Liberal leader isn't the saviour his supporters believe him to be." What did the poor man do to deserve this treatment?

Sticking goes on:

"Why did Ignatieff do what he did? Because he has no interest right now in bringing down the government and thereby being compelled to share power. Because his political career has been about his own glorification, about his desire – for it seems to be the only reason he entered politics in the first place – to be prime minister. He may generously be called a chameleon, a shifty academic difficult to pin down, but perhaps more accurately he ought to be called an egotist who is sure of his own superiority and who seems to lack any real passion for the country he intends to lead..."

And on...

"With an air of haughty detachment, an arrogant sense of entitlement to leadership, limited charisma, Bush-friendly positions on key foreign policy issues, hardly any record on (and relatively little knowledge of) social and economic issues and next to no experience in the political trenches, Ignatieff is hardly the saviour so many Liberals delusionally think he is."

I must say I don't disagree on this point. The saviour is Prince Justin.

And on...

"To me, though, he has never seemed to be much of a Canadian, and certainly not enough of one to be our prime minister. It's not that he has spent so much of his life overseas Рmostly in Britain and the US. It's that he has seemed to aspire actively to be anything but Canadian, and more specifically to be American. Which is fine, in a cosmopolitan sort of way, but he comes back to Canada with an air of condescension about him, as if he has seen the world and conquered it and has now decided, with the coaxing of a party eager for him to lead it back to the promised land, to sully himself in the world of politics supposedly on our behalf but really because he just wants to be prime minister, so great would it look on his resum̩, a capstone to a long and successful career."

And on...

"Today's Canada is very much Trudeau's Canada, the Canada of Trudeau's vision, for better and for worse. Trudeau was, like Ignatieff, an intellectual, but, unlike Ignatieff, he obviously cared deeply about this country and sought to leave his mark on it, which he did. Ignatieff may feel "passionately and proudly Canadian", and there may be a bold vision behind his egotism, somewhere, but he has a lot to prove before he should be considered anything more than an opportunist, if not a self-absorbed charlatan."

What can I say. This is an ugly pathetic hatchet job on a good hearted Canadian politician, and I condemn it utterly.

UPDATE: Apparently this Stickings pig used to work for Bobama Rae.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Wolf Blitzer Interview

This kind of thing is great for Brand Canada:

I'm still getting feelers from the Republicans about running for them next time. Sorry guys, I tried that last time and it didn't work.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Our Obama Agenda

President Barry, if I can get personal for a moment, you're a great orator, but you're no economist - not even Chicago School - so here the main things I'd like to accomplish with you during your short visit.

1) First I want to give you a quick Harpernomics lesson. Lesson one. The trillion bucks has to come from somewhere. Carney and Finance want to know, are you going to inflate or tax?

2) The offer I made election night still stands, if you need help in reforming your banking and health care systems, just give me a buzz, and we'll send some experts down to the White House. As you may know, Canada is a great believer in helping our neighbours with foreign aid.

3) Let's talk about what to do about thorns in our side like Premier Danny Chavez and George Boros.

4) Now I know you're going to pledge to maintain NAFTA, and you will probably turn around and do the opposite, by putting up non tariff barriers against Canadian industries and producers. Are you OK if we negotiate free trade deals with Europe, Japan, India and China?

5) Let's discuss whether you're serious about the environment, or are you thinking that four years of hot air will heat enough homes to make the difference? Yes We Can make the Alberta Oilsands more environmentally friendly. But who's going to pay for it?

Look, I wish you all the best, and I really do sympathize with the tough job you have ahead of you. Our experts tell me that a Canadian PM has far more power than a US President, who has to spend all his time negotiating with Congress. I don't envy you, and if there's anything I can do in the way of economics education, give me a buzz.

Anyhoo, if you talk the talk, people will expect you to walk the walk. So keep talking in generalities, OK?

Yours for defending the world's longest undefended border....

PS: You can have a five minute photo op with Count Ignatula.


Pix: Explaining how power relationships work based on self-interest. Yes indeed.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Mike the Baptist

Of course we're all fascinated by the spectacle of a public intellectual like Count Ignatula holding court within these hallowed walls. We're flattered, but why is he here? To save Canada from Yours Truly?

A persistent feeling around Langevin Block and PCO is that he is only here to hold the fort while the Puffins try desperately to refill the piggy bank. His role is to prepare the way, like John the Baptist, for the coming to power of young Prince Justin, descendant of the Templars, and the Obama of Canada.

Because the Count dresses better than I do, has a press agent wife, never met a camera he doesn't like, and has refined his "Talk Tough Like Mike" road act, he will at least make Commons life more interesting than Backpack Boy. I'm thankful for small mercies.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Kim Dilute Pull Forced to Eat Cat

In what journalists are calling Catgate or even worse, Pussygate, (Catscam? - Ed.) a senior Ignatieff advisor has been forced to recant before cadres of Red Guards for his sins in failing to keep his mouth shut.

This has become a big issue in the PRC, with people taking Warren Kinsella (Kim Dilute Pull) seriously, to the detriment of Sino-Canadian relations so carefully nurtured since the days when St. Pierre pirouetted in front of that old beast Mao. Now it is back to square one, I fear.