Thursday, May 14, 2009

Puffin Bashing

Apparently an election is not in the cards for at least a year (Three? - Ed.) , but we've got to keep the troops in fighting trim, and what better way than trashing and bashing "Canada's sexiest public intellectual"?

Thirty four years. Imagine! The guy has time-travelled here from way back in the Seventies. Scary.

Over to you, Warren.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Buttman versus Canada

You wouldn't believe the cranky e-mail we are getting about Buttman's alleged cartel-like behaviour in not letting Ballsley acquire the Coyotes.

The gist of the letters is, "where was Buttman when small market teams in Winnipeg and Québec were sold to American shopping plaza millionaires?"

Other comments: "Garry gives away tickets and then claims attendance records? Isn't this indecent?"

"He mismanaged a mainstream sport and turned it into a cable TV obscurity. There oughta be a law, right?"

This whole business reeks the big one. It's a disgrace to our national sport.

Maybe when I retire from politics I can get involved in the league, and sort this whole mess out.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Dr. Rubie Dwalla, Chiropractrice

Checking in from the medieval delights of Kandahar city, and the staff just briefed me on a shocking article in Torostar, that Dr. Dwalla is having a nanny eruption - something to do with the Ontario Labour Code - and McGuilty's ministers are sitting on it....

If I can be personal for a moment. Rubie, we offered you a friendly reception if you crossed the floor a few years ago, to replace Ms. Belinda, and you should have taken us up on it. It's a little late for that, since we now have enough decent looking and talented female MPs.

Kory handed me the attached picture, with Rubie allegedly engaging in unparliamentary behaviour, and it sure looks doctored to me - this is the Photoshop generation, right? Kevin thinks it may be a good way of helping slumdog bikers deal with back problems. My wife thinks it's a fake. and she should know. Not in our wildest dreams would we ever try this stunt....

BTW, Kory assures me we had nothing to do with it, but he smells the hand of Puffin indie film maker Warren Kinsella. Rumours are flying that he is trying to mix punk and Bollywood in his basement studio in the Beaches.
SOURCE: Sun Media

Buttman versus Ballsley

What? Huh? Did something happen last week in Vancouver? Oh, yeah the Canucks started round 2.

Meanwhile I'm seriously contemplating setting up a Royal Commission to investigate the Un-natural Hockey League for non competitive behaviour. The way most of my friends see it is, Buttman and his slimy gang of shopping plaza millionares who own these pathetic southern teams just gotta keep them going to fulfill Garry's vision - to be the Selig of shinny.

Gretz and his buddies want to sell to Ballsley, I say go for it.

I think I speak for all parties in the House when I say I'd like to see Buttman come up here to Parliament Hill and join the old German sausage maker under the committee room kleig lights. I personally have a few questions I'd like to ask him, and there's a few guys from la ville de Québec and Winnipeg who want to slam him into the boards. Capiche, Buttman?
(This is satire, right? - ED.)