Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Pablo 'n' Kristagate

I predict that the Puffin members of the so-called Ethics Committee, desperately thumbing BlackBerry messages to and fro with their allies at our "National Broadcaster", will continue to bore Canadians by trying to link Yours Truly with the ever-entrepreneurial Person Who Must Not be Named, while totally ignoring their own home-baked scandal - yes I'm talking about Pablo 'n' Kristagate.
PS: Doug tells me that Pablito was the Quebec Chair of Count Ignatula's candidacy during his campaign for the leadership of the Liberal Party of Canada. Curiouser and curioser.

The buzz around the office, of course, has been, "are these two cute moppets an item?" Wink wink, nudge nudge. Sandra is attempting to lock down such salacious talk, urging staff to "take the high road".

The tastiest piece of evidence seems to be John Cruikshank's admission that journalista Krista was spoon-feeding TWO Puffin members of the so-called Ethics Committee. You'll be relieved to know that our crack investigative team is on the case.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Makeover Complete

OK, I'm back from the Blogwarts School of Wizardry and Magic, ready for the new sessions. The CBC and Toronto Star won't believe what wonders we have in store this term at the old castle.

An election? I'm afraid not, at least not until the Muggles Puffins have raised enough money to compete on a level playing field.
Pix: Here I am with Minerva McGonagall, Professor of Transfiguration. Note Bush talking to Valdemort, back row left.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Dion Tours War Torn Base With Count

My esteemed parliamentary colleague St├ęphane Dion has just toured our base at Khandahar with Count Ignatula.

I am told that Iggy's ancestor, Count Nicholas Pavlovich Ignatieff (right), who was expelled from England for nefarious intelligence activities, started the whole Afghan mess 150 years ago when he helped foment the Crimean War, then got the Russians into the act in Afghanistan in order to destabilize the British Empire. What a bloody rotter!

My how times have changed. I see the count did not allow himself to be photographed wearing a helmet, and M. Dion quickly removed his at the first sign of the cameras, so as not to be tagged with the militarist label. (What, no Dukakis moment? - Ed)

I am told on usually good authority that Ignatula may have advised Dion to threaten NATO intervention in Pakistan, which got him terrible press.

Is this the kind of man we want as our Minister of External Affairs or even Defence, or, perish the thought, Prime Minister? The man whose ancestor started the whole Afghanistan mess in the first place? I say it would be far better for Canadian unity if Justin TrueDoh got the job of replacing Dion.

(Source: Conservative Party Research Office; Flashman in the Great Game, by G. M. Fraser)