Friday, February 29, 2008

Rick Mercer Defects to Puffins

After months of dithering, it appears that so-called comedian Rick Mercer has imbibed the Kool-Aid and gone over to the New Liberals. A new Canadian Obamessiah? We're not holding our breath.

Some of our more enthusiastic BC operatives wanted to rough up Rick, maybe taser him in the gonads, but I nixed that. (What about waterboarding? - Ed.)

Also I want to categorically deny that any of them had any success in inducing Mercer to accept an insurance policy in exchange for not jumping aboard the Backpack Boy Bandwagon.

All I can say is, our loss is their gain. Sniff. I thought we were friends.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Puffins - Can You Top This?

Our Liberal inside operatives are reporting a major shift in Puffin Party morale downwards, as the natural governing party desperately searches for a new leader to take them back to the Promised Land. Backpack Boy is ignored. Count Ignatula and Norma Bob Rae are seen to be yesterday's men.

What to do? Some are suggesting the Puffins take a leaf from their Democratic Party cousins in the south and find a quasi-religious figure to take up the crusade. Somebody to multiply the loaves and fishes, turn water into wine, bring back that old Torstar religion.

I say follow the polls and pick Templar descendant Justin True-Doh.

Yes we can!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Top Ten Reasons Why Stéphane Dion Can't be Prime Minister

1. Was caught trying to inject human growth hormone into his campaign.
2. Just can't compete with Paul Szabo in the looks department.
3. He'd rather work on unveiling a new line of Clarity Eyeglasses.
4. That bastard Nik Nanos has it in for him.
5. Even John Turner told him, "it's over."
6. Wanted to forge an alliance with the Canadian Alliance, but found out they were no longer a party.
7. Had to cancel tomorrow's appearance at Question Period so he didn't miss "House".
8. Blew half the Liberal war chest playing internet poker.
9. Recently told a Toronto campaign worker, "Keep that ugly baby away from me."
10. The Party nixed his scheme to bring in a carbon tax and give everybody a free hybrid in exchange. Now when he tells Kyoto to "sit'', the dog lies down.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Pathetic Treatment of Witnesses

A new low today at the so-called Ethics Committee. It must be frustrating to be a sanctimonious socialist in this country. I have never seen such stupidity and lack of respect as I saw today in the NDP's handling of Elmer Mackay. What a bunch of losers.
Pix: Jake Wright, The Hill Times

Obamagal Talks About Her Obamaguy's Healing Powers

Well, we're bringing out a budget tomorrow to try and wake up our national reporters who are totally fixated on the Obamanable Snowman. If you're still drinking the Kool-Aid, here's an antidote. A dear reader sent in this link to Michelle Obama clips, from Hugh Hewitt's radio show:
Warning: This is really scary stuff!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Drinking the Obama Kool Aid

Yikes, this Obamaguy is unstoppable! What a political phenomenon! What a deep voice emerging from such a weenie frame! Here's he is emerging from the surf, like the Tiger Woods of Politics, striding out of a sand trap.

We're watching things VERY closely, to see if the Puffins have any little Obamas in the woodwork, I mean besides Count Ignatula and Justin TrueDoh. Maybe young Alexandre has a shot, once he finds himself.

I must say I'm inspired. Man, the guy is a tremendous orator, and Sandra wants me to start speaking in slow sonorous cadences, and to talk more about Change and Hope, in the Canadian context of course.

Of course, it's not politics at all, it's a modern day religious cult.

In other news, I see Backpack Boy's wife got him to buy some new pre-election spectacles. Cool.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Everybody Wants to Be Obama!

Including Count Ignatula, who's wearing his heart on his sleeve over the Great Obamaguy. "Let's hope a revival of liberal hope south of the border gives liberals a boost here in Canada."

I know the Count and his sidekick Bobbie Rae are really lusting to take over, but I don't think this would be good for Canadian unity. I'm kind of hoping for someone younger, ideally Justin TrueDoh or even Belinda Stronach.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Book Promotion at the Ethics Committee

I don't know about you, but I found last week at the so-called Ethics Committee a real yawner. They finally persuaded retired journalista Steffie Camero to fly to Ottawa and testify, (Did they offer her immunity? - Ed.) but all she did was promote her new book (right) about working deep cover for the Petit Gars, Marko Lalond, Karlheinz57 and their goons. I can't wait till it hits the newsstands. Maybe we'll see it serialized in the Torostar.
Pix: Thanks to Pierre Auguste, Canadian Union of Public Satirists (Motto: "Your Tax Dollars at Work")

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Real Slamming Stéphane

Our Conservative Puffin Operations Wing (C-POW) pointed this out the other day. Even the House Veejay of the Canadian Peoples Agitprop Network realizes that Backpack Boy is veering out of control:At least George is a good guy, unlike other night show freaks that the taxpayer-subsidized CPAN has foisted on us. Remember that pathetic puffer Ralph Ben Meringue?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Shakespeare Weighs in on Afghanistan

Henry VI, Part 1, Act 1, Scene 1
Messenger: Among the soldiers, this is muttered---
That here you maintain several factions,
And whilst a field should be despatched and fought,
You are disputing of your generals:
One would have lingering wars, with little cost:
Another would fly swift, but wantest wings:
A third man thinks, without expense at all,
By guileful fair words peace may be obtained.

Sounds pretty much like the Loyal Opposition.

(Source: Black Rod)

Monday, February 11, 2008

Mercer Catches Mike Duffy in Flagrante Delecto, Whatever

Rick Mercer was on the Hill again, trying to find a party he can trust with his vote. I'm afraid we all were found wanting. However one of the more interesting things you can discover in this video is Mike Duffy trying to leak questions to Belinda Stronach.As for me, I like a good practical joke, and Rick is above all a good sport.

Harpernomics™ For Socialists #3 - Energy Power Realities

OK, class, maybe you're wondering why I'm putting up this great picture of me with Bonhomme Carnival and Harry the Horse, mascots of the Québec Carnival and the Calgary Stampede. Because it makes me look like a regular guy?

Wrong, I AM a regular guy. Because it's symbolic. What does that mean?

Wrong. It does not mean I'm a clownish mascot. Nice try. What it means is that politics is all about symbol manipulation, class. Now what am I trying to symbolize?

That I'm caught between Mario Dumont and Jean Charest. Very funny, but wrong.

It means that there is a new political and economic power reality in this country, and it is the alliance between two of the world's biggest energy producing jurisdictions, Québec and Alberta.

Any questions, class?

You from Ontario? You don't get it? Think Ontario Hydro.
Pix: Jacques Boissinot, CP/PC

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Gospel According to Torostar

It's clear my makeover worked!

Puffin propagandist Susan Delacarte and her high school yearbook team at Number One Front Street are now featuring me as "known to be scripted, aloof and unknowable".

So instead of hating me, the Puffin prognosticators are busy setting me up as kind of a ghostly cardboard cult leader that nobody can figure out. Howard Hughes, anybody? Citizen Kane? Dumbledore? Valdemort?

Anyway, nice try, Starbots, and Keep on Puffin!
Pix:Raffi Anderian, Torstar

Friday, February 8, 2008

Who Wants An Election?

Yawn. This whole town is wiped. The Sens are on a losing skid, and seem leaderless. My Leafs are a running gag, although now that Darcy Tucker (right) is back, maybe they will regain some of their attitude. Then again, probably not.

Must be the mid-winter blahs and all the snow. Maybe it was the Spector/Rock snoozer held at the so-called Ethics Committee gong show. I note with only mild amusement that none of the press corpse dared to feed any interesting questions to the committee members, and when they learned from the old cook at 24 Sussex that Steffie Camaro actually LIED in her book On The Fake (maybe fantasize is a better word - Ed) it was not thought worthy of a news story. No wonder they didn't want Steffie to testify.

The blahs are getting to the pinkest of the journalists - the vampires - who have been infected by Count Ignatula and are all plotting together to feast on my blood, except for one small problem - I'm not bleeding.

Well, dear Diary, it's almost Spring, and in the Spring a young man's fancy turns to maybe calling a Spring election. It appears I have checkmated the Office of the Leader of the Opposition, who must now get real on Afghanistan or face ruin.

Let's see who blinks first.

But then again, would I rather face Backpack Boy for another couple of years, or the Count, or his self-righteous faux-Lefty sidekick Norma Bob Rae? Or even worse, somebody credible like John Manley*, or, perish the thought, Frank McKenna?
*John, truly, the offer is still open if you want to change sides.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

The Martyrdom of Krista Erikson

This just in: Master blogger Black Rod has discovered that the martyrdom of Krista Erickson has led to an outpouring of Facebook sentiment, particularly by sweet young House Liberals. On Jason Cherniak's Support Krista Erickson pages, we find her friends include:
* Nancy Baroni, parliamentary assistant to Liberal MP Maria Minna
* Ryan Cotter, parliamentary assistant to Liberal MP Carolyn Bennett
* Richard Zussman, special assistant to Liberal MP Maurizio Bevilacqua
* Stephen Dame, legislative assistant to Liberal MP Alan Tonks
* Bryn Hendricks, assistant to Liberal MP Hedy Fry
* Al Payne, assistant to Liberal MP Sukh Dhaliwal, who sits on the so-called Ethics Committee.
Black Rod suggests the other Puffin MP who asked questions for her might be Nova Scotia turncoat Scottie Breeze-on. (Isn't ex CBC radio journo Susan Murray his communications director? - Ed.)
Update: Black Rod also notes that sweet young Krista, an ex script girl from Winnipeg, is a buddy of Pissed Estate producer Morris Karp-Face.
PIX: Canadian Peoples Agitprop Network.

Keep on Puffin.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Liberal Playbook "Vindictive, Dishonest and Incompetent"

You know, dealing with this Puffin opposition, and their media friends at Torostar and the Canadian Peoples' Agitprop Network, is a bit like being in a bad high school play. Obviously they've been up all night trying to memorize the script, and they can't even get their lines right. Backpack Boy is the worst, but the Greek chorus is pretty bad too. Then there is script girl Krista just off stage feeding lines to pretty boy Pablito. It's enough to make one gag.

Aaron Wherry of Macleans discovered that they are even mixing up each others parts:

Karen Redman: "Mr. Speaker, Canadians are increasingly seeing this government for what it is: vindictive, dishonest and incompetent."

Raymond Simard: "Mr. Speaker, this vindictive, dishonest, incompetent government will stop at nothing to silence the voices of dissent."

Navdeep Bains: "Mr. Speaker, when this vindictive, dishonest, incompetent government signed the softwood lumber agreement, we told them that it was flawed."

Tina Keeper: "This vindictive, dishonest and incompetent government is still skeptical about the science."

Mark Eyking: "Why is this vindictive, dishonest, incompetent government determined to destroy our tourism industry instead of expanding it?"