Saturday, April 25, 2009

Ask Not What You Can Do For Your Iggy

Just got handed True Patriot Love. ZZZZZ - what a lame read. Clearly Count Ignatula writes his own stuff.

At least Jack Kennedy had his own tame writers like historian Arthur Schlesinger to pen books like Profiles in Courage.

Hey, what's Peter C. Newman doing these days?
FLASH: Newman roused from retirement to do the dirty deed. Couldn't find anybody else....ZZZZzzzzz.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Man Can't Count

Here's Mikey the Mike talking about his hereditary title, which does not exist. We've researched this exhaustively with a team of genealogists, and to tell the truth, he is five times removed, being the son of the fifth son. Sorry, this doesn't cut it. I once had a taxi driver who was the real King of Ruritania. Honest to God, it was in the Almanach de Gotha.
Some feel the real royalty in this benighted country is Justin Sinclair Trudeau. According to our consultants Dan Brown and Associates, he is a direct descendant of Mary Magdalene. Apparently, I'm a very distant relation as well.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Person Who Must Not Be Named

Lighten up, everybody. This is just an exorcism exercise to prevent Puffin demonization of Yours Truly by Torostar and the Canadian People's Agitprop Network. Everything is under control, and the Rt. Hon. gentleman's reputation will be vindicated by history.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

More From the Stickings Article

Curiouser and curiouser. Kory's krack research team has come up with some interesting material on Count Ignatula that I should share with you. You will remember my comments on the Michael Stickings article in the Guardian, and that Stickings is a former Bobama Rae operative.

There are some hilarious new comments on the Guardian Web site. One reader pointedly says, regarding Mikey the Mike:

"he's a dreadful old pseud. he ruined bbc arts programmes in the late 80s.

we were glad to be rid of him. our gain, your loss."

Another goes even farther:

"Everything Mr. Stickings said about Iggy is true. I have read Iggy's extensive bio and there is nothing loyal or true about this man. The way he was parachuted into the liberal safe riding is one thing, but the way he managed to become Liberal Leader without an election of membership is another. He added insult to injury the way he kicked the former leader, Dion, when he was down. On top of that he refused to even name Dion to any shadow position and sent him to the back benches. Imagine after all those years of service to be treated that way! Iggy did not pay any Canadian taxes for 36 years. He felt after teaching in British Columbia that Canadian students were 'beneath' him. After moving to the UK, he became a Thatcher boy and supported union busting. When his popularity waned in the UK, he in true form, took off for the US, where he became a Republican, Bush worshiper. It dawned on him that he could never become President of his beloved U.S.A. (where he still owns his home) so he returned to Canada, bought a liberal party membership (he was never a member) and thought he'd save those dumb Canadians and bless us with the glory of all things 'Iggy'. Aren't we lucky? It will be a sad day for Canada if he manages to become Prime Minister. Mr. Harper is doing a fine job and is very well thought of, and is a true Canadian in every sense."

Union busting? A "Thatcher boy"? a Republican? Who knew....

And now we find that he told a British interviewer that he was a real count, when it's clear from the evidence he is nothing of the sort. More as this develops.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The National Attention Span

Guy says if it doesn't pan out, the Count can always get a job on TV Ontario. Here's a clip from ten years ago. He lost me at about the 20 second mark.

Managing Canada vs. Managing a Graduate Seminar

Now the Count says he wants to raise taxes to pay for the Recession. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. The plan is, we wait till prosperity improves, and let increased revenues pay down the debt.

He's reverting to type, and starting to lecture his Party faithful as if they were grad students. He sure knows how to put people to sleep. Here's everything you want to know about Giambattista Vico. I can't wait to listen to his victory speech when he becomes official leader.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Moi? International Money Czar?

There was a lot of goofing around at the G-20, and I kind of felt shut out from the cooler kids, but they're just jealous because we have a whole pile of the world's wealth - oil, water, minerals, forests, plus a kick-butt banking system second to none.

Barry even had the Queen buzz me on my BlackBerry to try and get me to miss the photo op. What a card.

Anyhoo, there was a lot of buzzing about international reform and regulation, and it was proposed, only half in jest, that I should leave this job and become despot of some new super IMF, headquartered in Iceland or somewhere.

Get real, I said. Who will take care of Canada while I am away? Count Ignatula? The coalition? You guys will carve up our dear country like a pumpkin.