Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The First Doper to Lead the Free World?

"I had learned not to care. I blew a few smoke rings, remembering those years. Pot had helped, and booze; maybe a little blow when you could afford it. Not smack, though."
Unlike Clinton, he claims to have inhaled.

Monday, June 23, 2008

More Obama Hypnopolitics

He is already president in his own mind. According to the New York Times, "It is emblazoned with a fierce-looking eagle clutching an olive branch in one claw and arrows in the other and is deliberately reminiscent of the official seal of the president of the United States. Around the top border are the words “Obama for America;” across the bottom is the campaign’s Web address."

Our research team has found several commentators swear the seal was designed by Shep Fairey, who did the "Progress" poster and also hides his devil's pentangle in most of his "drink the Obama Kool Aid" works. Weird stuff.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Harpernomics For Socialists #5 - The New Puffin Sin Tax

Would you trust these little green gnomes who are out to s____ you?

In this edition of Harpernomics For Socialists™, I want to take on the whole phenomenon of sin taxes on carbon, and the Green Shaft proposed by the Puffin Party of Canada.

Forgetting for a moment the fact that the jury is still out and the science not settled on the causes of climate change aka global warming, the new Puffin Sin Tax on Carbon contains a lot of hidden agendas:

1) It is a way of increasing the price of energy, so the Americans have to pay more for our energy.
2) It is a way of raising money for social engineering run by bureaucrats. You pay the tax, but you don't necessarily get it back, as claimed. Much will be used for BackPack Boy's Anti-Poverty Crusade and other new programs.
3) It is a way for the Puffins to appear decisive.
4) It is a way of driving the pump price higher.

Here are the fatal flaws in the system:

1) It puts Canadian companies at a disadvantage against other countries with less onerous taxes. Countries that don't have the tax will do better than us.
2) It effectively subsidizes China, which has just passed the US as the World's major polluter.
2) Corporate taxation is stupid, because the tax is almost always passed on to the customer.
3) Green Shift is just a juggling act.
4) It is just more "we're the good guys" stuff from Bobama Rae. Yawn. ZZZZZZZZ
Seriously, the Puffins don't want an election, they want to buy time until their next (leadership) convention in December.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

More Hot Air From the Obamessiah

"I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal … . This was the moment – this was the time – when we came together to remake this great nation."
Now I know the Puffins are searching for their own Obama figure - Bobama Rae just doesn't cut it. But really, is there anybody besides the Justin Child who could spout this kind of claptrap and get away with it?

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Stephen Harper Caught With Biker Chick

Liberal MP Ujjal Dosanjh is making a brave efort to keep this potboiler steaming with his bozo quip that "half the government has been dating or sleeping with Ms. Couillard."

I just want to say that I've got my own personal biker chick and I'm her Heaven's Angel.
Pix: Caught by Fred Chartrand, Canadian Press

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

JulieGate and The Dream Team

Things are winding down at BlogWarts Castle. The Royal Canadian Horsemen are clamming up in front of the committee, and they will get nowhere. Even the appearance of the lovely Julie will do little to dispel the Puffin gloom.

Our Send Them Darth Turncoat plan is working far better than expected, and there is total carbon tax confusion in the Puffin ranks.

The real interest is of course south of the border, where the Obama brat is spinning out of control. I'm looking for a union of the two great old parties to carry the day! Here's the big ticket - McCain and Hillary, buddies for ever.

I know who I'd choose as my running mate.

Monday, June 9, 2008

We Really Should Prorogue

I've said this before, but let's face it, we're all exhausted. You guys from your desperate demonizing of moi, Teflon Steve, us from having to put up with your endless Puffin Party of Canada flyovers and droppings.

Time to do a little gardening, fight off black flies at the cottage, take Kyoto for a walk, apologize to Julie (and then never have anything more to do with her), watch a little Sesame Street with Bobama Rae.

Besides, nobody wants an election, right, even though the major Puffins are spinning that they do?

And everybody's watching the freak show south of the border, us with horror, you with adulation. All you hypnotized Dem-wannabe lefties would much rather drink the Obama Kool Aid, right?

So let's hit the reset button, and Make a Fresh Start for Canadians!™

Yes We Can.
PS: I see the buzz is already out on Sparks Street. Maybe I'll announce it this week.

Just Ask Justin

There's always some chuckling around the office when I tell the staff that the only hope for the Puffin Party of Canada is for them to select an Obama saviour type figure for the leadership instead of tired old Harvard academics, Toronto Maple Leaf managers or NDP premiers. Yes I'm talking about Justin True-Doh.

I'm grateful to Liz Thompson of the Gazette for pointing out that the Justin Child now has his own political lonelyhearts column, where he answers questions like this one from eager young followers:
Even though many doubt that aliens exist, do you feel that any consideration should be give to the idea that extraterrestrials do exist? Mainly in the way of rights and protections should they exist/appear, or do you believe that the Charter of Rights and Freedoms would still cover non-earth humanoids? Is the Charter of Rights and Freedoms inclusive/applicable in such a case? Kimberley

First of all, I’m always bemused by the fact that people think that we humans would be interesting enough in the grand scheme of the universe that alien life forms, if they existed, would even be bothered to come visit this little blue-green planet in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy.

However, if they did come, and managed to wend their way through our increasingly dysfunctional immigration system and become Canadians, then yes, the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms would apply to them, as it does to all Canadian citizens, regardless of the country (or planet) of their birth. Which is something that the Harper Administration would do well to remember, particularly in regards to Omar Khadr (although for the record, he was born in Toronto).

Nice to see the young pup has a sense of humour, he's really good at saying nothing with style, he's a direct descendant of Mary Magdalene (see here), he's got a wife who's smarter than he is (as I do) and yes, he'd be a great rock star politician like Obama. So Puffins, before it's too late, I urge you to reconsider your headlong rush to crown Count Ignatula or Bobama Rae.

Bring on the Justin Child!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Jaysus H. Obama

Mark Morford of the San Francisco Chronicle shows the effects of years of dope smoking as a young man:

"Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment. These kinds of people actually help us evolve. They are philosophers and peacemakers of a very high order, and they speak not just to reason or emotion, but to the soul."

Meanwhile on Capital Hill, Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-Ill.), son of the one-time presidential contender, said Obama’s victory overwhelmed him.

“I cried all night. I’m going to be crying for the next four years,” he said. “What Barack Obama has accomplished is the single most extraordinary event that has occurred in the 232 years of the nation’s political history. ... The event itself is so extraordinary that another chapter could be added to the Bible to chronicle its significance.”
(Hey, don't forget the $35 million donation from George Soros - Ed.)

Friday, June 6, 2008

Who Will Carry Saint Barack Hussein Obama's Lily White Robes?

From the June 5 Late Show with David Letterman, the "Top Ten Questions on the Barack Obama Running Mate Application."

10. "How much experience do you have doing nothing?"
9. "Do you have any crazy clergymen we should know about?"
8. "Will you help your oil company buddies achieve record profits by screwing consumers?"
7. "How many friends do you have on Facebook?"
6. "Can your charisma and vitality match the high standard set by Dick Cheney?"
5. "Why the hell was Billy Crystal on Letterman talking about 'Soap the Complete Series' now available on DVD?"
4. "Do you think the Yankees should move Joba back to bullpen?"
3. "Any idea what happened on the season finale of 'Lost'?"
2. "Ever slept with Barbara Walters?"
1. "By any chance do you know where Osama bin Laden is?"

NAFTAGate Bob Rears His Ugly Head

I told you it was going to get boring from here on in.

You may remember a slight problem a few months ago when representatives of a certain US candidate (OK, B.H. Obama) told certain Canadian trade officials, "Don't worry, he's not serious when he talks about scrapping NAFTA. He's just pandering for blue collar votes."

At the time, it made perfect sense to me, and I believe we all said, "OK by us. Hey, that's politics." We knew the American media would understand.

Well OK, but fast forward to today, another slow news day. The boys and girls at CP are repeating Bobama Rae's tiresome contention that "Prime Minister Stephen Harper will have some fences to mend in Washington should Barack Obama win the presidency."

Quips Bobama, (showing off a deep intellect weaned on Trivial Pursuit and fifties TV shows): "If Senator Obama wins in November, Mr. Harper — to use the classic words of Desi Arnaz — is going to have some explaining to do."

I beg your pardon, but, if could be unparliamentary for a moment Bob, you can KMA. The candidate is going to have some 'splaining to do when all those blue collar voters ask what happened to his promise to renegotiate NAFTA. Just like Jean Chrétien and Paul Martin had some 'splaining to do when they decided to keep the terrible Mulroney GST.

In a further pathetic attempt at spin, Bobama says "we've got a crisis in our relationship with the Democratic party because of the fact we’ve got a Republican farm team operating in Ottawa."


Bobama continues, stomping on his George Bush doll: "The prime minister has always denied interfering in the Democratic race or secretly favouring the Republicans, who are ideologically more compatible with Harper’s Conservatives."

Yawn. I can hardly stay awake.
Pix: 2005 Liberal Leadership Convention Souvenir

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Growing up in Hell's Country

Julie Couillard denies being anything so common as a "biker chick." But a quick glance at this timeline of her life over the past ten years, pulled together by our crack investigative team, shows something more, a young woman who grew up as a biker princess, surrounded by the toughest and the baddest of Québec's bad guys.
1990s - In her early twenties, Julie goes out for a time with mobster Tony Volpato, 20 years her senior, and a good friend of Frank Cotroni, head of the Montréal calabrian clan. Volpato was later linked to the Sicilian godfather, Vito Rizzuto. At the time Julie went out with Volpato, he was being investigated for trafficking illegal cigarettes from Kahnawake. In 1997, Volpato was sentenced to 6 years in penitentiary for importing 180 kg of cocaine. He was freed after only one year in jail, which infuriated then justice critic for the Reform Party, John Reynolds, who brought his name up in the Commons. In 2001, Volpato was back behind bars for violating the terms of his parole, and consorting with known criminals.

1990s - After breaking with Volpato, Julie takes up with Gilles "The Indian" Giguère, enforcer and right arm of notorious loan shark Robert "Bob" Savard, and a close associate of Maurice "Mom" Boucher, boss of the Hells Angels. Giguère also dealt dope and firearms. As Julie later recalled, "I was 22 years old when I met Gilles. We were together for four years. I was so naïve! I knew he knew people who knew bikers, but I didn’t take the bikers seriously. To me, they were tough guys who rode motorcycles. The real criminals were the mafia, the Italians."

1995 December 19 - She is arrested along with her father Marcel Couillard, her common law husband Gilles Giguère, lawyer Gilles Daudelin and two others by the Carcajou (Wolverine) Squad, an elite anti-biker force composed of RCMP, Sûreté du Québec, and municipal police forces. The charge is suspicion of being involved in an extortion and murder conspiracy against a Montréal real estate agent. She is taken to the SQ headquarters and grilled for 18 hours straight. She is then freed without further charges.

1996 - She appears featured in Quebec's lurid crime tabloid, Allô Police, under the headline, “Arrested in the bedroom! The spouse of the mobster Gilles Giguère... The actress Julie Couillard condemns the Carcajou!”

1996 February - The case against her husband Gilles Giguère collapses for lack of evidence. But he is also facing another criminal trial for possession of four submachine guns and 70 pounds of hashish. He agrees to start giving evidence to the police.

1996 April - A week before she and Gilles Giguère plan to marry, and before his trial is to start Giguère is found dead in a flooded ditch next to a road in L'Épiphanie, east of Montréal, shot several times in the head. Julie later says Giguère was the one true love of her life, and with all the men that followed, “the bar was so high, no man made the grade.”

1997 - She marries Stéphane Sirois, a member of the Rockers de Montréal, the warrior clan of the Hells Angels Nomads. Sirois was part of the Rockers "baseball team" – a violent group of thugs who intimidated rivals with baseball bats and smashed up bars that refused to allow the gang to deal drugs. Sirois later testifies that when Mom Boucher heard of his relationship with Julie, he told Sirois to choose between the Hells or Julie, because he didn't trust her. “He thought it was her who pushed Giguère to work with the police, that she worked with police. There were suspicions floating around,” Sirois testified. He later added that, “The exact words said by Maurice Boucher were that at one point the suspicions were so high that there was a contract on her too. She was going to get it. She came close to getting it.” He testified that after they married he confided to Julie about Boucher's suspicions. She was worried and asked Bob Savard about it. Savard told her to stay clean and she would be OK.

1998 - Her father Marcel Couillard is charged under the federal Controlled Drugs and Substances Act with producing and trafficking marijuana.

1999 - She breaks up with Stéphane Sirois, who had become depressed due to the stress he was under and the debts he owed to Mom Boucher and the Rockers.

1999 June - Stéphane Sirois signs a contract to work for the SQ and get back into the good graces of the Rockers by offering them his services as a drug dealer. He disappears into the Witness Protection Program. His evidence will later bring down Mom Boucher.

1999 - She fails several times to pay the mortgage on a house that she had bought in 1998 while she was with Sirois. The Laurentian Bank gets a court ruling repossessing the house because she owed $103,000. The bank cited Sirois as a third party in the case, but couldn't find him since he was in the witness protection program. She is also taken to small claims court by the lawyer who handled her divorce, for failing to pay the $839 fee.

2000 July - Loan shark Bob Savard is killed gangland style in a Montreal restaurant.

2001 - Her father Marcel Couillard pleads guilty to the production of marijuana (the grow-op he operated for for Sirois). The trafficking charge is dropped.

2002 - Julie Couillard files for bankruptcy. She acquires a work permit from the Québec's actors' union, the Union des Artistes, to work at scale, describing herself as an actress and model.

2004 - She moves with another bad guy, Robert Pépin, then being charged with theft of cargo. Apparently Pépin was a million dollars in debt to the Hells. Pépin starts l'Agence d'investigation et de sécurité D.R.P.,and she is VP and a shareholder. They ask to bid on an airport contract with l'Administration canadienne de la sûreté du transport aérien (ACSTA) regarding access to restricted zones, using biometrics. They are not considered. The company is later brought before l'Office de la protection du consommateur for charging usurious rates of interest.

2004 - She registers Casting Cinq Étoiles, aka Five Star Casting Canada and Five Star Casting International, a talent agency to recruit extras for films, television and other media.

2005 - She breaks with Robert Pépin.

2005 Feb. - She incorporates Itek Solutions globales, a security company. She is president. It is still in operation.

2006 December - Casting Cinq Étoiles is declared officially inactive.

2007 February 1 - The Quebec government awards the D.R.P. Investigation and Security Agency a $167,000 contract for prisoner escort services.

2007 March - Couillard donates $1,000 to l’association conservatrice de Châteauguay–Saint-Constant. She is being considered as a potential candidate.

2007 April - She becomes a registered real-estate agent, claiming to be listed with Kevlar Real Estate Investments. Kevlar denies that she is now or ever was an employee.

2007 May 20 - Pépin is summoned to appear before l'Autorité des marchés financiers (AMF); three days later he commits suicide by hanging in his Laval office.

2007 April - Couillard starts dating Maxime Bernier.

2007 August 9 - A Montreal judge orders her to pay $1,210 in overdue legal fees for another law firm whose services she had engaged in a commercial dispute.

2007 December - She ends the relationship with Max Bernier, before his parents come over to her house for the holidays. "I fell in love with a dream," she tells the media, "but the dream never materialized."
So Julie Couillard is either a very brave or a very foolish woman. Draw your own conclusions my friends.

Mine is that all Canadians have to be vigilant about organized crime. And those who are involved with organized crime, even on the periphery, should get out of it before it is too late.
Pix: Quebecor Media Inc.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Susan Delacarte's Word of the Week is "Stubborn"

Torostar journo-nanny Susan Delacarte has a new word, and it is "Stubborn." We're adding it to the thesaurus, just after "Sleazy."

Clearly demonstrating that she too has drunk the Obama Kool-Aid, she is lumping yours truly and poor Hillary Clintstone into the same stubborn basket.

Maybe Susan is going through the alphabet in an effort to sell the space that goes in between the ads. What's next week, "Taciturn," "Troubling"? How about, "Tiresome'?

CTV Spin Reversal

I'm BACK, and really looking forward to feeding the zoo animals during Question Period. To save you the trouble, here are the answers.
1) Maxime Bernier took the honourable course and resigned. No he is not leaving to take over the reins at Vachon cakes.
2) OK, I admit it, we made a mistake made during a press briefing over Italian participation in the war in Afghanistan. There may be other mistakes in future. After all, we are only human.
3) No, the Member for Halton, Ontario, is not a Conservative plant in the Puffin caucus.

In other news, Sandra pointed out an hilarious spin reversal by CTV yesterday:

And here's another one from last year.

My heart goes out the the editor who caught these gaffes. Can you see, dear diary, why we have to be so careful with the boys and girls toiling for Canada's mainstream media? Mister Dithers never got this kind of consideration.
Pix: Steve Janke and SDA.