The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Pablo 'n' Kristagate

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Pablo 'n' Kristagate

I predict that the Puffin members of the so-called Ethics Committee, desperately thumbing BlackBerry messages to and fro with their allies at our "National Broadcaster", will continue to bore Canadians by trying to link Yours Truly with the ever-entrepreneurial Person Who Must Not be Named, while totally ignoring their own home-baked scandal - yes I'm talking about Pablo 'n' Kristagate.

PS: Doug tells me that Pablito was the Quebec Chair of Count Ignatula's candidacy during his campaign for the leadership of the Liberal Party of Canada. Curiouser and curioser.

The buzz around the office, of course, has been, "are these two cute moppets an item?" Wink wink, nudge nudge. Sandra is attempting to lock down such salacious talk, urging staff to "take the high road".

The tastiest piece of evidence seems to be John Cruikshank's admission that journalista Krista was spoon-feeding TWO Puffin members of the so-called Ethics Committee. You'll be relieved to know that our crack investigative team is on the case.

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)