The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Lay Off the Lit Bits, Martel

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Lay Off the Lit Bits, Martel

Laureen tells me some metrosexual from Montreal name of Yawn Martel is trying to get publicity by sending me the Great Works of World Literature to read, then bragging about it in the Toronto papers. Dante Gabriel Chavez, people like that.

The idea is, rednecks like me would be more loving and caring if we got a dose of Deep Thought. Now I like fiction as much as the next guy - nothing I like better than curling up with the latest Tom Clancy - but jeez I'm up to my yinyang in briefing books. I haven't got time to read some warmed over tale of a guy in a boat with some animals. It reminds me of Cabinet. Besides, Ben and Rachel are getting me into Harry Potter plus I'm writing my own book about our national sport.

Memo to Oda: Can you do anything to get this guy off my back? How about a Canada Council travel grant to Kazakhstan?

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)