The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Prorogue, Darnit!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Prorogue, Darnit!

Jeez, you wouldn't believe the pressure I've been under to prorogue, or is that perogie? Anyway Ralph the Last Grit in Saskatchewan called and said the Ontario Liberals are threatening not to attend Parliament because they have to spend the month of September in their ridings. Something to do with a provincial referendum on MFF.

Even this dog's master is tired out. You're right, it's Kyoto the Malamutt! What an alert little fellow, who bears an uncanny resemblance to his owner, except for the glasses. Too bad he can't fly!

OK, I'm a reasonable guy, so in the interests of parliamentary unity - plus I don't want to face a bunch of riled up Grits just yet - I've booked the Chateau Laurier at 9 am tomorrow for the big announcement. Speech from the Throne, tax cuts, the whole ball of wax. I'm going to roll out the outline of a whole new Promise to Canadians™.

Memo to the Press: I won't be taking questions. You can listen and take pictures, period. In the immortal words of P.E.T., "Just Watch Me!"

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)