Sunday, September 23, 2007

Aw C'mon Gilles, Voyons Donc!

I know the purs et durs are leaning on you not to support those maudits Tories, and people are telling you to stand up and be a man. But jeez, you know very well I can't fulfil your wish list. So all I can conclude is that you're having me on. I mean tu blagues, hein? It's your devilish sense of humour, right? Let's look at these, ahem, non-negotiable demands:

First, as you very well know, Kyoto, apart from being a white dog, is also a white elephant, and to put it in the vernacular, un pot de marde, and even St├ęphane knows it. My experts, who have risked their research grants to tell me, are of the opinion that it is increased solar radiation, which boosts water vapour in the atmosphere, that is the main factor in global warming, anyway. I know I'm the PMC, but can I turn down the sun?

Second, Afghanistan. I really wish I could help here. But we have to stop Pakistan, with its nuclear industry, from being take over by the Talibanskies. Do you have any better ideas?

Third, the spending power. You mean like funding Canada Research Chairs and stuff in education? I mean, profitez, right? Or are we stepping on the toes of all those poor imperialistic bureaucrats in Quebec City? The same ones who forced you to get on your knees and eat raw cod, in spite of the moratorium?

Fourth, aid to forestry. OK maybe we could come up with a lot of money to help the industry automate. But what will that do for future jobs? Quebec should spend some of its Hydro cash and buy out the contracts of forestry workers.

Fifth, keep supply management. You old Commie. OK, we might not touch chickens and cows for the moment. I mean until we are forced to by our trading partners.

So during the Throne Speech, just give me a little wink and I'll know you're onside, okay?