The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: The New Puffinomics

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The New Puffinomics

This is really "troubling", even "worrisome", if I may use some tired old words from the Susan Delacarte Thesaurus.

The Puffins have discovered economics.

Apparently, our Send Them Garth Turner Plan is working like a charm. The Puffins have decided to abandon Kyoto, and stop demonizing moi, Teflon Steve, cause it ain't working - the people aren't buying it. Maybe Keith Booger buys it, or one of Mike Duffy's Minimes, or the odd energetic Macleans blogger, or the journalism majors now forced to blog for a living. Everybody else finds this a total yawn.

Yes, get ready for The New Puffinomics - from the party that brought you SponsorAdScamGate.

I am told that from now until the leadership convention in May 2009, the New Puffins will be concentrating on building their economics platform, and claiming they know more about the subject than moi. Yeah sure.

Spin One: Get Canadians to buy into Count Ignatula's "revenue neutral" Carbon Tax, which Bobama Rae will oppose to give the public and journos some sense of fake rivalry between the two old buddies.

Spin Two: Get Canadians to "invest in infrastructure" - in Puffinspeak, this means, essentially, "give more tax dollars to McGuilty so he can hire his friends to fill potholes and replace rusty culverts".

Keep on Puffin.

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)