Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Harpernomics For Socialists #6 - Pre-Election Prognosis

Look people, it's real tough being a real economist leading a real campaign, but we're the Reality Party of Canada, right? And we have to get through this mess with our savings and standard of living intact. And we can do it.

I've got to say I really feel your pain having to listen to the pathetic clap trap spouted by opposition politicians.

Let's look at each of them in turn:

1) George Boros - the proprietor of the Democratic Party of the USA and the biggest idiot in the world has entered the Canadian election at the last minute with his surrogate, whatever, party, which is not approved by Elections Canada, although there may be a loophole somethere. Our legal eagles are working on it, and papers will fly, I can guarantee it.

Anyhoo, George is buying full page ads in Canadian newspapers (see above), sucking up to the opposition parties and painting me as the worst leader in the world. George, if I could be unparliamentary for a moment, you can go short yourself.

2) Stéphane "the Plagiarizer" Dion - lacking any real policy, he is falling back on cruel schoolyard taunts perfected by Torostar journo-nannies and the Canadian Peoples Agitprop Network. The real Yours Truly is "selfish," "a bully," "George Bush," blah, blah, blah. He's still panicking. Last night, in North Bay, without a teleprompter, he said that “Never will an election have posed to Canadians so starking choice.”

You know, he's right.

3) Jack Layton - is freaking out as he drops in the polls as people start to vote strategically. When I mused that there are buying opportunities in the current stock market, which is a simple statement of fact, he demonized me as stealing money from pensioners. Get a life, Jack, and by the way, let's do lunch after October 15.

4) Gilles Duceppe - is now saying that while I am immoral and nasty, fragile and shaky, he looks forward to working with us in the next Parliament. Having survived a narrow near death experience by moving to the left and sucking up to téléroman "artistes" and aging pop stars, he will now spend the next couple of years popping paxil and fading into insignificance. But yes, Gilles, drop by my office when we get back to Ottawa and we'll have a talk about the forest industry.

5) Elizabeth May - rightly chewed out Mike Duffy when he suggested she wanted to dump NAFTA. Liz just wants to renegotiate the energy provision. Which will never happen, because the Americans will cancel the whole deal. They want energy security and need an oil price based on the value of the US dollar. That's the real deal. That's how we got them to the table in the first place.

Well, yes, OK, Duff, I guess she does want to dump NAFTA.

6) Danny Boy Williams - the Hugo Chavez of Atlantic Canada™ is also getting into the act, using the hard earned dollars of his ABC supporters to buy flashy billboards in downtown Toronto. As John Crosby used to say, "Lard help us".

Well that's about it. See you at the polls, and God Bless Canada.
Pix: Today's Montreal Gazette; Fred Lum, Globe and Mail