The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Hey, I'm Running for President

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hey, I'm Running for President

My friends, fresh from my electoral triumph in Canada, and with the Puffin Party in disarray, I've agreed to help out our cousins in the Republican Party by taking over from John McCain in this, the final week of the campaign.

Obama is such a fake, and if anybody can beat Fake Obama, I can.

I realize that having a virtual unknown such as myself come out of nowhere may be a bit of a shock to many Americans, but my main platform - to impose the Canadian banking system on the US - will I think help us save the day.

I'm Fake Stephen Harper and I approved this message.

PS. Click HERE to see the start of my campaign.

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)