Cleaning Up After The Latest Duceppe Speech

I guess the old Maoist teeth are showing at last, Gilles. Calling an opponent a "cheater" who lacks "judgment and moral sense" is just the taunting of a schoolyard bully.

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Pix:Johpor

Marg Delahunty Loses It, Barbecues Yours Truly

Jeez Marg, you didn't have to go all menopausal on me and burn my favourite sweater. Like it was a fetish object or something. I've never seen you like this. Where did our love go? Did Danny Williams get to you or something?

PS: The sleepover at 24 Sussex is off.

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SOURCE: CBC This Hour. Your tax dollars at work.

I Could Have Sworn I Saw Liz May Winkin' At Me Last Night

...while across the border, Sarah was winkin' up a storm. Clearly Botox Joe Biden was utterly charmed.

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Caution: C&W soundtrack

Pretty Predictable, But Better Than Botoxed Biden

As you know, I'm not a big fan of these gang-ups. I would have preferred a pool party gala at 24 Sussex, but at least we were around a table instead of at the podium, and it was kind of cool that Jack went after Stéphane, which saved me the trouble. Must have been all the political love I sent his way during the French debate.

Here's Stéphane during the pre-debate photo op, boring Jack and I with more details about his Carbon Shaft.

Wow that Liz May sure is a breath of fresh air, eh? What a feisty scrapper. I think I'll offer her a Senate seat. I mean, that's the only way to keep her out of trouble, right? (And out of the House of Commons? - Ed)

I suggested to Guy that if she toned down her rhetoric a touch, maybe we could bring Liz into Cabinet, and move John Baird over to Foreign Affairs, and Peter to Finance. Guy scoffed and said it would be a mistake - she would try to take over the Senate, and she wouldn't last a week in Cabinet.

Gilles, another great performance, and you nearly had me on the ropes a couple of times. A-

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Pix: Chris Wattie, Reuters

Bobama Rae Deeply Embarassed

SpokesPuffin Bobama Rae couldn't afford to hire his own speechwriter, so he's making it up as he goes along.

I have this to say about his recent embarassing passing of wind by the mouth.

"This isn't just deeply embarrassing for Mr. Bobama Rae — he would have been expelled from Blowhard Collegiate, let alone a university, for pulling this stunt (it's called verbal marshmallowing) — but it speaks to the heart of what is deeply wrong with the old National Dope Party (N.D.P.), which kicked him out, and the current pretend Democratic Liberal party of which he is the putative leader."

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz.......

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Pix: Bobama in a serious moment, by Frank Gunn/CP (Thinking about that pesky haemerroid? - Ed)

What a Bizarre Election

This borders on the cruel.

Hey, it's "crunch time" for Count Ignatula and Bobama Rea, right?

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Cartoon: Theo "Mou" Moudakis Torstar

Memo to Speechwriters

Just don't plagiarize Dubya, OK?

Apologies to Quebeckers

It's not every day that Michael does this sort of thing. When I told him to give Duceppe a tongue lashing I didn't mean this.

I must say I worry that he's acting more and more like Trudeau. You know, soon he'll be pirouetting behind the Queen, sliding down banisters, giving the finger to farmers, insulting spoiled artists who are voting Bloc anyway. That sort of thing. I'm going to have a word with him real soon.

Captain! We've Got Transporter Trouble.....

We can't hold her! she's fading out! Do something!

Elizabeth May on her retro trans Canada high speed rail tour.

Change We Can Believe In

More cartoon characters from south of the border...

Who's the One Out of Focus?

Cheer up, people, it's just an election.

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Pix: Peter McCabe, CP

Jack Layton Caught Wearing a Blue Sweater

In one speech during the recent Republican Convention, commentators noted that Sarah Palin was wearing the colour orange.

This was widely interpreted to signal that she was reaching out for Democratic Party support, I mean from the true democrats and not the Obamatrons, because orange is Hillary Clinton's favourite colour...

Jack, I take your recent wearing of a blue sweater to be a similar signal. You have also been seen wearing a very nice light blue tie.

I know your father Bob Layton was a loyal Progressive Conservative all his life, and you know it's still not too late to return to your roots and join the Reality Party of Canada. That's us.

You know in your heart that our policies will give more real jobs to the working families of Canada.

You've got my BlackBerry #2 number. I'm waiting for your call.

Mean Schoolyard Bully Type Puffin Attack Ads

The secret coronation of Bobama Rae as Real Leader of the Puffin Party of Canada coincides with a disturbing new negative ad about The Real Harper. I must say I don't like the subject matter - we're working on this - but the production values are pretty classy for an ad done on your kid's Macintosh. A nice noir touch, like a Forties newsreel. Warren Kinsella says it was put together by a punk friend of his, Don Millar, and then makes a shameless pitch for his excellent book, "The War Room."



Want to know what I think? I think you New Puffins are just being sleazy, stubborn and vindictive. These orchestrated US style attack ads are worrisome and troubling to Canadians. They are a symptom of the New Puffin Party's hostile, arrogant, uncaring, unfeeling attitude.

Canadians want you to stop being such schoolyard bullies.

Is Bobama Rae the Real Leader of the Puffin Party of Canada?

All the signs point that way, and to a hidden agenda for Canada.

Canadians want to know:

• What are the specific terms of the deal Bobama Rae made to leave the National Dope Party (N.D.P.) and join the Marijuana Puffin Party of Canada?

• How much money have Bobama Rae, the Puffin Party or other government spending activists raised to derail Stéphane Dion's Green Shaft campaign?

• How do the Puffins still plan to use these secret funds now that they are beginning to distance themselves from their green activist supporters?

• How many other Puffin insiders have close ties with extreme wings of the secretive Maurice Strong Kyoto movement based at Harvard University?

• Where is Garth Turncoat hiding, and has he ever inhaled like Barack Obama?

• Will Backpack Boy be struck with a mysterious ailment next week just before the leaders debate, and his place taken by Bobama?

• Is there any hidden sexual or political meaning to the term "Come Clean"?

Keep on Puffin.

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Sources:
• N.D.P. News Release "Liberals Must Come Clean"
• Puffin Release: "Layton must come clean on Marijuana Party deal"

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Arts vs Culture? Your Tax Dollars at Work

Look, I want to address this issue head-on. I know we're in the middle of an election campaign, and people expect goodies, and sponsorship, and many Canadian "artists", especially those working for Radio-Canada and the Canadian Peoples Agitprop Network, are complaining about the cuts to the foreign affairs artist travel program.

For example, here's a cruel but high production value clip starring all the major téléroman actors who have regular work on Radio-Canada. Some poor guy is forced to grovel before a bunch of evil anglo arts bureaucrats in Ottawa - real paranoid fantasy stuff. (Warning: F-Word, tasteless gestures, pathetic bilingualism):



The singer is some 70's pop star god named Rivard, yes, Rivard, Michel Rivard, maybe you've heard of him. And he's going on about a "phoque* en Alaska" - probably a tasteless reference to Governor Sarah Palin.

People, I share your pain. We're still trying to sort out all this sponsorship stuff from the Crouton and Dithers eras. For example, is Alfonso Gagliano's vineyard "Culture"? Beats me.

Anyhoo, we're doing a program review and may move some of this line item over to Canadian Heritage/Patrimoine canadien where it belongs, or replace it with something better. Because of the upcoming Olympics in Vancouver and needs in the immigrant community, we're trending a bit more toward sports and citizenship.

But look, it's not the end of the world if you can't attend that beach barbecue arts study session in Cuba.

Maybe the provinces could help out a bit here.... Hey, Charest, how about using some of that enormous Loto-Québec or Hydro-Québec jackpot money to help these poor arts people go play guitar with their friends in France? Maybe boost this program?

A friendly word of advice, Rivard. Maybe you'd have better luck if you sang about a Phoque en Nunavut.

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*Sorry, it means "seal". Oh I get it. Ha Ha.

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Postscript: Writing in La Presse, Nathalie Petrowski saw through the pathetic Rivard BS, calling his ad "a little intellectually dishonest," because it suggested Quebecers were targeted. Instead of coming across as a strong people "rebelling against an ideology," she wrote, the artists are "once again victims of a system that despises their language and their culture."

NDP Forced to Reap What it Sowed

The N.D.P. today announced the dropping of yet another stoner candidate trying to crack the political glass ceiling. Apparently one of these send-up artists was involved with the Vancouver Seed Bank, "a business that sells Peruvian coca seedlings." Uh-oh. I believe the Criminal Code of Canada addresses this kind of (agri)cultural activity. Here's National Dope Party leader Jack Layton in a day-glo vest trying to bogart some of the youth, back in 2003.

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Jeez what a weird election this is turning out to be...

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Video: DopeTV

Fanny & Freddy & Obama & Pals

This just in from the YouTube Monitoring Committee:



Whew, I sure hope the Puffins don't import this chapter of the Obama playbook.

So this is what's behind all those shenanigans on Wall Street......

PS: Top six members of Congress: campaign contributions from Lehman Brothers employees, 1989-2008

Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y. $409,980
Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill. $395,574
Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y. $181,450
Sen. Christopher Dodd, D-Conn. $165,800
Sen. Joe Lieberman, I-Conn. $165,450
Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass. $151,664

New Nik Nanos Numbers

Not sure I like the latest numbers although it's more at the expense of the other guys.

[Leadership Index Score - Daily roll-up of all three measures]

Stephen Harper 103 (-2)
Stephane Dion 53 (+16)
Jack Layton 42 (-4)
Elizabeth May 11 (-4)
Gilles Duceppe 9 (-8)

There goes the weekend.

It's All Gerard Kennedy's Fault

As usual, Chantal Hébert hits the nail on the head:

"As the kingmaker at the convention that crowned Stéphane Dion, Kennedy is the person most responsible for the dynamics of the 2008 campaign.

His decision to bypass the two front-runners in favour of a Quebec dark horse has changed the shape of the election race among the five parties.

Had Kennedy made a different choice, the election might already have come and gone. ..."

I think it just delayed the coronation of Bobama/Ignatula.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Another reason to vote for the good guys - the NATIONAL DO NOT CALL LIST
Click HERE to sign up next week.

Sorry we had to exempt mainstream media, pollsters, political parties and other charities, but the need was just too great.

Elections Are Like Hockey Games

So here are a few friendly tips.

• 1) Keep your stick on the ice, and stick to the issues.

* 2) Put on your game face. Determined.

• 3) Keep the goofing for practice. Curb your charming sense of humour.

• 4) Follow your coach's orders.

• 5) Fighting is OK, but watch the instigator rule and don't attack the fans in the stands.

• 6) Talk to the nice journalists but don't get too pallsy.

• 7) Give the media the story they need, but not necessarily the one they want. For example, what story is a Canadian Press journo going to pick when given this choice: a) Gerry Ritz the Minister announcing a new program for PEI, or b) Sideshow Bob?

You guessed it.

I love you guys.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

As you know, I am a tremendous fan of US politics, which is more like CULTURE WARS.

Our neighbours to the south don't mess around when it comes to presidential elections. As their campaign moves forward, both sides are amassing lists of lies by the other candidate. Here are some of my favourites:

• Obama WTF - documents Obama's lies - 124 and counting...

• The Democratic Party have just launched a McCainpedia to counter these allegations. No entries just yet.

• I also like Real Clear Politics - check out the George Will article.

What I find very interesting is the defection of some major Hillary supporters toward McCain-Palin. Check out this video of Lynn Forester De Rothschild, a self made woman who also happened to marry a Baron. She's talking with CNN's Wolf Blitzer:



I love her comments on wedge issues, for example, "the Democratic Party puts the choice issue around women's necks like a noose... Stop using that issue to scare people into voting for the Democratic Party."

Sound familiar?

Gerry, Apologize to Wayne

And wash your mouth out with Listerine. No more trash talking like Sean Avery, capiche?

Honest, the War Room Had Nothing to Do With This...

I'm really touched. At first I thought it might be Elizabeth May, who has already confessed she has a crush on me. But then I found it's inspired by a song written about Obama. Oh well.
But me, the Canadian Obama? Aw shucks no.

Wasp Flies by Stéphane Dion's Head

A solitary wasp, apparently attracted by what wasps are usually attracted by, flew by Stéphane Dion's head as he paused during a campaign stop in St. John's, Newfoundland, today. Maybe it was attracted by the presence of Bobama Rae, and wondered what all the buzz was about. Maybe it detected the faint odour of rotting fruit. Maybe it was a drone sent by Premier Williams.

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Pix: Frank Gunn, CP. Congratulations, Frank, a dynamite shot, and I hope you get more of them. Let's make this an election campaign we all can enjoy!

Puffins Unleash Bobama Rae

After a less than impressive first week, the Puffin Brains Trust has unleashed their secret weapon - Bobama Rae, former NDP Premier of Ontario - to try and goose the campaign with his charm and good looks.

There's no denying he's an impressive orator, and we take his entry onto the stage very seriously indeed. But I hope undecided voters remember that in his first three years as Premier, Bobama took a popularity index of 52% all the way down to 6%, and saddled the working people of Ontario with billions in extra debt. He also placed a cap on enrollment into medical schools and nixed the construction of new nuclear plants in Ontario. You can read the whole sorry story HERE.

My point is, it looks like Bobama wants to drop the Green Shaft and go into a Bill Clinton "It's the economy, stupid" mode, but this is simply not credible coming from such an old time socialist.

The wondrously wise Chantal Hébert thinks featuring Bobama is a bad idea, and that "If the Liberals were serious about reversing the tide of the election campaign – and every poll indicates they should be – they would hide Bob Rae and pull Paul Martin from obscurity."

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Pix: Wayne Cuddington/Canwest News Service

Obama With Media Disciples

Here's a lovely picture of THE EXPERIENCED ONE surrounded by his adoring media groupies. Apparently he's just cured little Chrissie Matthews of MSNBC of a shooting pain in his leg.

Sometimes I feel jealous that I don't have the same advantages of a tame press as they do in the US of A. Instead I have to deal with grumpy commentators like Andrew Coin.

Sorry kiddies, if I can figure out whether this loaves and fishes thing is better than free markets, I'll let you know. In the meantime, business as usual.

Gilles at the St-Tite Rodeo

Great Reuters shot of tanned and relaxed Bloc leader Gilles Duceppe on campaign, enjoying the bucking broncos at the Rodéo de St-Tite. Gilles, I'll say it again, it's still not too late to join the Parti Conservateur du Canada. But you'll have to ditch the pinko scarf and get a blue one.

Another Copyright Error by the Puffins

First it was Green Shift®, now it's Harpernomics™.

In a recent TV ad, the Puffin Party of Canada used the term "Harpernomics" without my permission and in an abusive and slanderous manner. This term was trademarked by me and first used almost a year ago in this column as a generic title for my lectures to Canadian socialists on economics, and how the world really works.

I'll see you in court, suckers.

McLuhan's Right - Let's Chat Instead

Look, I don't want to stand before a podium and tear Elizabeth May apart with my irrefutable logic. I like the woman. She's got spunk and spirit, even though her understanding of economics generally sucks needs correction.

Hey Steve Paikin. Are you listening? Why don't we all go over to 24 Sussex and have a pool party in Pierre's Piscine? We can send out for pizza, crack open a few brewskis, and just chat to the cameras about policy, and what's best for Canada (yes, and Québec, too). I'm buying.