The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Rick Mercer Defects to Puffins

Friday, February 29, 2008

Rick Mercer Defects to Puffins

After months of dithering, it appears that so-called comedian Rick Mercer has imbibed the Kool-Aid and gone over to the New Liberals. A new Canadian Obamessiah? We're not holding our breath.

Some of our more enthusiastic BC operatives wanted to rough up Rick, maybe taser him in the gonads, but I nixed that. (What about waterboarding? - Ed.)

Also I want to categorically deny that any of them had any success in inducing Mercer to accept an insurance policy in exchange for not jumping aboard the Backpack Boy Bandwagon.

All I can say is, our loss is their gain. Sniff. I thought we were friends.

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)