The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Puffins

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Puffins - Can You Top This?

Our Liberal inside operatives are reporting a major shift in Puffin Party morale downwards, as the natural governing party desperately searches for a new leader to take them back to the Promised Land. Backpack Boy is ignored. Count Ignatula and Norma Bob Rae are seen to be yesterday's men.

What to do? Some are suggesting the Puffins take a leaf from their Democratic Party cousins in the south and find a quasi-religious figure to take up the crusade. Somebody to multiply the loaves and fishes, turn water into wine, bring back that old Torstar religion.

I say follow the polls and pick Templar descendant Justin True-Doh.

Yes we can!

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)