The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Top Ten Reasons Why Stéphane Dion Can't be Prime Minister

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Top Ten Reasons Why Stéphane Dion Can't be Prime Minister

1. Was caught trying to inject human growth hormone into his campaign.
2. Just can't compete with Paul Szabo in the looks department.
3. He'd rather work on unveiling a new line of Clarity Eyeglasses.
4. That bastard Nik Nanos has it in for him.
5. Even John Turner told him, "it's over."
6. Wanted to forge an alliance with the Canadian Alliance, but found out they were no longer a party.
7. Had to cancel tomorrow's appearance at Question Period so he didn't miss "House".
8. Blew half the Liberal war chest playing internet poker.
9. Recently told a Toronto campaign worker, "Keep that ugly baby away from me."
10. The Party nixed his scheme to bring in a carbon tax and give everybody a free hybrid in exchange. Now when he tells Kyoto to "sit'', the dog lies down.

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)