The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Susan Delacarte to Reboot Career

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Susan Delacarte to Reboot Career

Word just came over the transom that Puffin cheerleader cum journonanny Susan Delacarte has had another "incident" caused by demonization possession, and will be recuperating at Toronto's Messy College, where old Puffins go to lay their eggs.

Apparently my successful prorogation of Parliament was too much for her, and she lost it in the Torostar cafeteria, throwing plates of damp adjectives at the other pitiful #1 Yonge St. wretches.

I think I speak for none of my peers when I send her our heartfelt wishes for a long and thorough exorcism.

This just in: Apparently there is a ferocious bidding war by McClellan & Stewpit for her forthcoming memoir, "That Stephen Harper is SUCH a Big US-Style Schoolyard Bully!"

Pix: Macleans's snapshot from the Torostar Christmas Party; Mister Dithers is trying to "intervene" and reason with Susan to remove the US flag, which she has not taken off since November 4, to celebrate Obama's victory. Apparently she is hoping to attend the Obamaguration, and will remove the garment as soon as he is sworn in.

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)