The Secret Diary of Stephen Harper: Chrétien and Martin - Two Amigos and One Bright Red Herring

Monday, October 15, 2007

Chrétien and Martin - Two Amigos and One Bright Red Herring

You know I have never entirely 100% bought this Martin-Chrétien scrap, and thumbing through Créton's new book only confirms my suspicions.

I think the two right honourable gents hatched the whole charade over drinks at Paulie's farm in the townships or Créton's cottage in Shawinigan. OK, so it got a bit out of control.

See at the time, the conservatives in Canada were in total disarray - much like the Puffin forces are now, but Créton was facing the sponsorship scandal and Paulie some embarrassing questions about Canada Steamships, not to mention the whole casa Gagliano. But how to bail with dignity?

There was no opposition to speak of, so they decided to manufacture an internal bun fight during the leadership transition to keep the Librano foot-soldiers in fighting trim. Then when Paulie was crowned, they threw up Gomery as a bone for the journos. What a gripping soap opera. Cash in envelopes, the whole boule de marde. The journos just loved the golf ball scene. (Memo to Sandra - can you get me some of those?)

What a blast! Of course Paulie's evil capos did more damage than expected - poor Kinsella* (below, right) was roughed up by the martinizers and forced to flee to Toronto and work for McGuilty - but jeez it sure was a powerful high colonic purgative for the Naturist Governing Party.

I put this theory to Brian, but he just chuckled and changed the subject.

And now the "petit gars de Shawinigan" is continuing the charade with his book, blaming Paulie for the deployment in Khandahar. Gimme a break.

The only thing believable in the book is his account of how Aline chased away the intruder at 24 Sussex. Credit where credit is due. I suppose his publishers will be happy. I guess someday the real story will come out when Ron Graham's notes are released.

Whew! Anyway, I've got a Throne Speech to write. Now lemme see... What to do about Kyoto the dog.... hmmm...

*His latest tome, The War Room (Dundurn Press), should be required reading around here, so we can all understand what makes the Big Red Beast tick. Memo to Sandra: Can somebody pop down to Heather's book barn and get me a copy.

Pix: CP

Talk Tough Like Mike

•“Look, this is America and you have to decide what kind of country you want. This is your country as much as it is mine.” - 2004
*"Look, if I lose, I'll just move back to Massachusetts." - to the Harvard Crimson newspaper - 2006
*“If you mess with me, I’ll mess with you until I’m done.”
• "You're looking at someone who turned down the chance to become Prime Minister of Canada, and I did so, in part, because I felt it would divide the country."
• “I don’t need any lessons in legitimacy from Harper.”
• “He knows where to find me.”
• "He's creating a parliamentary crisis and dividing the country."
• "It’s his budget, not mine."
• "It's up to Harper to make the right decision and up to me to decide if he made it."
• "We're putting the government on probation."
•"Mr. Harper, your time is up.”
*"This is a prime minister who a year ago was trying to make you embarrassed if you liked opera or classical music or the ballet or poetry. I mean, come on, let's get over this. You can like hockey, you can like classical music. Let's stop playing Canadian against Canadian and taste against taste."

The Susan Delacarte Stephen Harper Attack Thesaurus (Under Construction)