Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Top Ten Reasons Why I Am NOT Attending This Year's Press Gallery Dinner

Well, it so happens that Laureen and I are already booked for an intimate dinner party on October 27 with our Commander-in-Chief and Jean-Daniel at Rideau Hall. But I can't deny there might be some other factors that come into play:
1. As you are well aware by now, I'm an angry person with a hidden agenda. This doesn't go over well with soft-headed journos.

2. The Leafs are playing the Sens that night, and if I run I can make 24 Sussex in time to see the 3rd period highlights.

3. I'm a shy person and get easily rattled in large gatherings. You don't want to see me rattled, do you? It's not a pretty sight.

4. Paulie might be there, and I have to confess, sometimes he scares me. Plus my good buddy Gilles and his party are still refusing to go along with the gag.

5. My son thinks it would be cool to be a journalist. I'm really not sure I want to encourage this line of thinking.

6. I just hate the idea of listening to card-carrying Liberals beating up in public on my esteemed parliamentary colleague Stéphane Dion.

7. Jane Taber doesn't like me, plain and simple. So I'm taking my ball and going home.

8. My idea of fun is not hanging out with a bunch of drunken Puffin Party operatives and pinko dopers. I mean, I may look a bit like the dean from Animal House, but don't force me to act like him.

9. Sandra put her foot down and said, "I told you, NO, and I mean it this time." Oui, madame.

10. Scott Feschuk refused to write me a speech.
Pix: CP Jonathan Hayward; 2004 PGD